The Rainbow After the Storm

Last night was a REALLY bad night. The hubby and I fought pretty bad. Almost to the point he wasn't willing to forgive me and try to work past it all. I don't blame him, I was mean, meaner than normal.
I tried apologizing last night to no avail and just went to bed alone finally. After I had laid there for a bit I felt weird and went into the bathroom. Strangely enough there was blood on my underwear and not the "Time of the Month" kind, because it was already that time. But right there near the waistband, two spots of blood. Oh no, not again.
Sure enough, my bellybutton was bleeding and infected AGAIN! Yup, it happens every so often, ever since I had an ovarian cyst removed like ten years ago. But this time it's worse. It HURTS. Like I'm worried it's a couple different scenarios. 1) I have a hernia that's pushing on the scar tissue and causing the inner scar to bleed. (A hernia is not very visible on larger people) 2)I have endometriosis that's running rampant inside and it's pushing on it all or 3)I have a PCOS Cyst that's wreaking havoc EVERYWHERE.
The problem is, until our insurance kicks in after 60 days, we'll have no clue what it is. Until then I pray, keep it clean and covered and wait. Last time it got bad, I ended up on IV's in the hospital.
Throughout this Joe's been very good about it. When we were walking today he wouldn't let me carry/lift anything while shopping. And he won't let me lift the dogs right now.
Those are some of the reasons why I have to think before I speak and not be so mean. I realized what life may be like without him and it scared me.
We had such a nice day today and I know he knew I was trying to make amends as was he. He even held my hand as he drove which he usually doesn't like to do, especially when it's snowing out.
Now, I start my new job and I'm geeking myself up for it. Let's hope all goes well on Monday. I'm nervous and anxious. Let's hope this is the pot of gold....