**Beating my head against a wall**

So yesterday I got the call that I was approved for my surgery and the soonest apointment they have is December 9th. It's going to take forever to get here. Then today I call COBRA to ask questions about the new plans for 2010 and apparently our payment didn't make it there in time and they cancelled our insurance, even thought the woman my husband talked to said the contrary. So, I had to do a Letter of Appeal. Keeping my fingers crossed and saying prayers.

I need this. I want this surgery so bad. I CANNOT go on like this. My life is stuck. I hate cancelling on friends on the days I don't feel good. I hate not being able to climb my stairs and having to take breaths. I hate not finding chairs I'm comfortable in and then it sets off the Pudendal Neuralgia. I hate not feeling sexy. I hate having to work sex around the times I feel well. I hate the chance that I may not be able to conceive because of my weight.

I HATE MY BODY RIGHT NOW! I'm trapped! Say a prayer to the big guy for me....