How funny! I've been sitting here all morning, examining myself in the mirror and lamenting the side effects of having PCOS. Thank God my body hair is light and you can barely see the facial hair. The skin tags can be removed eventually. The hump on my back is there to stay. The Type 2 Diabetes is also along for the ride.
I realize that 21 years ago this summer was my first encounter with PCOS. It was the time I got my first menstrual cycle. It has NEVER been normal/regular. For years I searched for an answer. There had to be a logical reason for me being crawled up in the fetal position on the floor sobbing from the pain of cramps. Changing my pads every hour was mind boggling. Thinking back, I should have told my family to invest in stock of feminine products. We all would have been rich!
It hampered my life. I can remember getting up from my desk and one of the boys in a nice way mentioning I must have sat on a red pen. I had bled thru my underwear, shorts (because we all wore shorts under our school uniforms to keep the boys from looking at our panties), and through to my skirt. I was mortified. Who wouldn't be?!?!?!
This continued through my teenage years. I even had one doctor tell me to just get pregnant and maybe it would fix itself. (I was 19 and unmarried and a college student!) Finally in my early 20's after seeing gyne after gyne and going on birth control pill after pill, I came across PCOS. I don't even remember how or where I found it. I just had recently switched doctors and luckily he was familiar with it. His wife also had it. What are the chances??? I was with him for a while and in a tragic accident he passed away. I bounced around to a few doctors until I found Dr. P. She is a godsend.
Whenever I call or come in, they treat me like family. She's honest and upfront with me. No holds barred. Sometimes to a fault. LOL! Thankfully she is just a few years older than me, so we will have a long road ahead of us together.
The same year I transferred to Dr. P that May I had just felt awful. I was real out of sorts and could not shake whatever was happening to me. I just didn't feel right. It felt like I had the flu that would not go away. My nurse practioner sent me to test after test to try to eliminate this or that. One Friday a few weeks later in June she had all the tests back. She left me a message at work to make an appointment to see her. My heart dropped. We were planning my dad's 50 birthday and I was preoccupied with helping my sister with anything I could. I called the nurse prac back and asked to speak to her directly. I could not wait to make an appointment, they could not get me in for awhile. I would go crazy in the meantime. I hate suprises so badly that the boyfriend and I exchange x-mas presents a few days before because I can't stand it.
She finally lamented and realized if she didn't tell me I would go insane, quite literally. I had Diabetes. I knew it was only a matter of time before I got the dignosis. It ran in may family and I had PCOS. It was inevitable. I was ready to fight it head on.
It has put life into perspective. My bf's dad died from all kinds of complications less than 6 months after we met and he also has it. His has progressed in a bad way and we recently added insulin to the mix, so hopefully this does the trick. Watching him feel like crap is hard. I feel helpless and I am used to him being the one helping me through.
Anyways, back to PCOS, I was watching Work Out on Bravo today and they were enrolling clients in a type of boot camp deal. The doctor who was advising Jackie, the gym owner, mentioned one of the ladies had an "Unusual Medical Condition". I knew right away what he was going to say next. It was the first time I had heard PCOS mentioned in a show not directly dealing with medicine. I had seen it on Mystery Diagnosis on Discovery Health but not on regular TV.
I'm curius to see how much other people have seen it out in the real world and what their experiences are with it. I know infertility is the biggest one, but what are the others??
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Family
Family isn't necessarily the parents or brothers and sisters you are born with. Sometimes they may be the friends that you have or your aunts and uncles or grandparents that you may not spend as much time with as you wish you could. You may not have even realized until later in life, just how much these people make up your family.
Whether they are there cheering you on or putting you in your place or holding your hand through a tough situation. Sometimes it's the partner you couple up with that is there with you through it all.
It took me awhile to understand all of these out of the norm people were my family. They are the ones that I want/need to surround myself with.
I've come to realize the negative people in my life are toxic, both emotionally and physically. Staying up late worrying if I spent enough on this one's gift or called X amount of times or made this many visits to someone was getting me nowhere but to a life of insomnia. They are the ones that talk about how much money they have or where they live or what kind of car they drive. But they forget where they came from. They forget it's a long way down from their high horse or pedestal. That fall is bone crushing.
It's funny because I've never been all about money or status. I mean it's nice when you have extra, but trust me I understand when you don't more often than not. LOL! The way I have always seen it, is that you can't take it with you when it's your time. I can hardly see St. Peter meeting you at the pearly gates and asking you how much was in your 401k!
My friends have never been all about money and my aunts and uncles understand you do what you can. My gifts always have thought behind them anyways. The best gifts are the ones that I really take the time to put together. One year for Christmas, I put together a basket of small gifts for her of her favorite things. It had chocolate covered cherries, books, movies and lotions. She looked less than thrilled when she opened it. My heart dropped. I thought I was the rock star for the day. Maybe if I had purchased a large gift certificate to her clothing store she frequented, it may have been better.
The funny thing is my parents recently became snobs. My siblings always had that brewing for years. There was years my parents barely scraped by or my mom was borrowing money to cover checks so they would not bounce. It never bothered me that we never went on a family vacation or went to Disney world. My mom always said the money to pay our tuition or pay for any extra curricular was the vacation money. I accepted it and never questioned it. I wasn't a scarred kid because I never met Mickey Mouse. There's more to life than that.
Someday I hope to have my own family one day with my boyfriend. I know we'll try our best to be a good example for our kid(s). Show them to treat everyone with the same patience, understanding, love and respect as they would want in return. We'll teach them that even the wealthiest person in the world can fall down. But it's all in how you pick yourself back up. They will learn from their mistakes and go forward.
My extended family has taught me that. How to hold my head up high. Even if I wasn't the daughter to get married first or even second, I'm still an okay person. I may not have had the first grandchild or chose to live with my boyfriend first before getting married, but I'm not any less of a person.
And neither is my bf. He may not be rolling in the dough, but every doctor's appointment I go to, he's there holding my hand. He's the one who rushes me to the ER whenever neccesary or when I just can't function, he'll do the dishes or laundry. I know it's tough on him. Most men would have left a LONG time ago, not him. He tells me every day that he loves me and shows me in the little ways.
I see how good he is to all my little cousins and my friends' children. He's quick to run to my aunt or uncles house whenever needed.
Those are the types of people I want to surround myself with. They are the ones who will wipe your tears or push you off the ledge when you don't have the courage to jump. They are the ones who may drift in and out of your life and when you catch a breather will call you and pick up where you left off.
They are not just friends to me, they are my family.
Whether they are there cheering you on or putting you in your place or holding your hand through a tough situation. Sometimes it's the partner you couple up with that is there with you through it all.
It took me awhile to understand all of these out of the norm people were my family. They are the ones that I want/need to surround myself with.
I've come to realize the negative people in my life are toxic, both emotionally and physically. Staying up late worrying if I spent enough on this one's gift or called X amount of times or made this many visits to someone was getting me nowhere but to a life of insomnia. They are the ones that talk about how much money they have or where they live or what kind of car they drive. But they forget where they came from. They forget it's a long way down from their high horse or pedestal. That fall is bone crushing.
It's funny because I've never been all about money or status. I mean it's nice when you have extra, but trust me I understand when you don't more often than not. LOL! The way I have always seen it, is that you can't take it with you when it's your time. I can hardly see St. Peter meeting you at the pearly gates and asking you how much was in your 401k!
My friends have never been all about money and my aunts and uncles understand you do what you can. My gifts always have thought behind them anyways. The best gifts are the ones that I really take the time to put together. One year for Christmas, I put together a basket of small gifts for her of her favorite things. It had chocolate covered cherries, books, movies and lotions. She looked less than thrilled when she opened it. My heart dropped. I thought I was the rock star for the day. Maybe if I had purchased a large gift certificate to her clothing store she frequented, it may have been better.
The funny thing is my parents recently became snobs. My siblings always had that brewing for years. There was years my parents barely scraped by or my mom was borrowing money to cover checks so they would not bounce. It never bothered me that we never went on a family vacation or went to Disney world. My mom always said the money to pay our tuition or pay for any extra curricular was the vacation money. I accepted it and never questioned it. I wasn't a scarred kid because I never met Mickey Mouse. There's more to life than that.
Someday I hope to have my own family one day with my boyfriend. I know we'll try our best to be a good example for our kid(s). Show them to treat everyone with the same patience, understanding, love and respect as they would want in return. We'll teach them that even the wealthiest person in the world can fall down. But it's all in how you pick yourself back up. They will learn from their mistakes and go forward.
My extended family has taught me that. How to hold my head up high. Even if I wasn't the daughter to get married first or even second, I'm still an okay person. I may not have had the first grandchild or chose to live with my boyfriend first before getting married, but I'm not any less of a person.
And neither is my bf. He may not be rolling in the dough, but every doctor's appointment I go to, he's there holding my hand. He's the one who rushes me to the ER whenever neccesary or when I just can't function, he'll do the dishes or laundry. I know it's tough on him. Most men would have left a LONG time ago, not him. He tells me every day that he loves me and shows me in the little ways.
I see how good he is to all my little cousins and my friends' children. He's quick to run to my aunt or uncles house whenever needed.
Those are the types of people I want to surround myself with. They are the ones who will wipe your tears or push you off the ledge when you don't have the courage to jump. They are the ones who may drift in and out of your life and when you catch a breather will call you and pick up where you left off.
They are not just friends to me, they are my family.
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