Yesterday was a crazy insane day. It was completely overwhelming. Outside of ongoing drama from our poker group, when we arrived at our usual place to play to eat beforehand, my parents were there. I didn't know at first they were there. My husband saw them first. He ushered me quickly into the bar area so as not to see them sitting in the restaurant area. He didn't want me to see them and be hurt. He already knew I was on edge because of all the drama. I sat with my back to the door the entire time. My hubby could see them and they could see him. I'm glad I didn't see them. I wouldn't give them the satisfaction of seeing the pain on my face. I tried to put a brave face on for my hubby. I think deep down he knew. He knows me almost better than I know myself. I hoped for a glimmer of a second that they might suck up their pride and just come in to say hi. But I knew it wouldn't happen. Maybe someday. Maybe.
The drama in the poker group has hit an all time high. I was informed the night before last that I was a horrible friend and couldn't be trusted. That I wasn't loyal and liked to play games. I was heartbroken. I had been nothing but a good friend to her. I was supportive to her in every way possible. I tried so hard to help her and apparently in her eyes, I failed. It floored me.
I've had the same best friend for almost 20 years. Granted we've had our ups and downs but we're still as close as could be. My other best friend I've had for almost twelve years and we've never had a fight. My husband makes fun of the conversations we have because start one, go to another and go back to the first topic. I love both of my best friends' daughters like they are my own nieces. I just didn't get it.
I also have a close friend who lives very far away that understands me so well that it's amazing, even though we lost touch for many years. These three women show me what true friendship is like. Even though I don't see them as often as I'd like I know they're there no matter what and accept me as is faults and all.
I'd rather have a few close friends than many lousy ones.
I realized this all today after having what my friend refers to as an ugly cry. I was all red puffy eyed, snot running out my nose, all choked up telling my husband about this and he told me I was better than the lousy friend. I
It hurts but I'm getting over it all. I have to.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Monday, February 1, 2010
3 A.M.
A good friend of mine who also blogs uses song titles as her blog posts and the sonh 3 A.M. By Matchbox 20 was appropriate for this entry. Thanks for the inspiration sweetie!
There's a line that says, "It's 3 A.M. It must be morning." Well, yes it is 3 in the morning and my wonderful husband just had to run to our friend's house and get me medicine for my neubulizer (breathing) machine for asthma. My medicine was expired amd I apparently I threw it out. My lungs were extremely tight and my expired inhaler wasn't cutting it. I had noticed lately I was wheezing more than normal and my chest was tight lately, I chalked it up to the cold weather. Then the other day I had a really bad coughing fit in the shower, almost to the point of passing out. Scared both of us but I figured it was a fluke until it happened again. This time I was just sitting on the couch and laughing.
Red flag went off in my head. Started to panic, probably exacerbating the situation. I tried hot beverages. Nothing. Tried the recently expired inhaler. Nothing.
Sent my girlfriend a text because her son also uses a breathing machine and asked her what the name of the medicine you use with the machine was so I could call the doctor and get a prescription. She also went to nursing school, so I figured she'd be a big help.
She turned out to be a bigger help than I thought. Turns out her son and I take the same medicine and she could give me 4 vials to get me through the next day or so. I was/am eternally grateful.
My poor husband, who was almost asleep on the couch, but was fighting sleep to try and keep me company just in case we needed to go to the E.R., ran out to get me the medicine at, you guessed it, 3 A.M.
He was so good about it. No complaints. Think he stayed very calm so as not to set me off on a tailspin. Plus, without insurance, the ER visit would've buried us.
People wonder why I'm for a better healthcare system and this is an example of why. For the two of us monthly the insurance is $1200. I bring home $1000 in unemployment. So after rent, car payment, car/rental insurance, groceries and utilities, even including my husband's pay, we're stretched thin. We even put off getting our satellite fixed and don't have tv until my free cable through my new job kicks in. It's ridiculous.
I've read articles where they say after luxuries, the first thing people eliminate when they have money problems is health insurance! That's sick. We shouldn't have to do that! We're one of the wealthiest countries in the world and millions are still without proper/adequate health care! Ridiculous.
It's sad that I pray nightly that neither of us gets seriously ill because we couldn't afford it. Something needs to change in the healthcare industry and fast. Luckily 60 days after I start my job, we'll have health insurance. So let's pray for the next 11 weeks, we have no major issues.
There's a line that says, "It's 3 A.M. It must be morning." Well, yes it is 3 in the morning and my wonderful husband just had to run to our friend's house and get me medicine for my neubulizer (breathing) machine for asthma. My medicine was expired amd I apparently I threw it out. My lungs were extremely tight and my expired inhaler wasn't cutting it. I had noticed lately I was wheezing more than normal and my chest was tight lately, I chalked it up to the cold weather. Then the other day I had a really bad coughing fit in the shower, almost to the point of passing out. Scared both of us but I figured it was a fluke until it happened again. This time I was just sitting on the couch and laughing.
Red flag went off in my head. Started to panic, probably exacerbating the situation. I tried hot beverages. Nothing. Tried the recently expired inhaler. Nothing.
Sent my girlfriend a text because her son also uses a breathing machine and asked her what the name of the medicine you use with the machine was so I could call the doctor and get a prescription. She also went to nursing school, so I figured she'd be a big help.
She turned out to be a bigger help than I thought. Turns out her son and I take the same medicine and she could give me 4 vials to get me through the next day or so. I was/am eternally grateful.
My poor husband, who was almost asleep on the couch, but was fighting sleep to try and keep me company just in case we needed to go to the E.R., ran out to get me the medicine at, you guessed it, 3 A.M.
He was so good about it. No complaints. Think he stayed very calm so as not to set me off on a tailspin. Plus, without insurance, the ER visit would've buried us.
People wonder why I'm for a better healthcare system and this is an example of why. For the two of us monthly the insurance is $1200. I bring home $1000 in unemployment. So after rent, car payment, car/rental insurance, groceries and utilities, even including my husband's pay, we're stretched thin. We even put off getting our satellite fixed and don't have tv until my free cable through my new job kicks in. It's ridiculous.
I've read articles where they say after luxuries, the first thing people eliminate when they have money problems is health insurance! That's sick. We shouldn't have to do that! We're one of the wealthiest countries in the world and millions are still without proper/adequate health care! Ridiculous.
It's sad that I pray nightly that neither of us gets seriously ill because we couldn't afford it. Something needs to change in the healthcare industry and fast. Luckily 60 days after I start my job, we'll have health insurance. So let's pray for the next 11 weeks, we have no major issues.
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