Alone

I feel very alone lately. I almost want to walk around like Renee Zellweger in Jerry Maguire when she says, "Alone. Alone, alone, alone". That's how I feel.
I know I have my husband but only a few friends. And they're so busy with their own lives that I don't wanna be needy and clingy. But I feel like I'm floating in the ocean waiting for someone to throw me a life preserver or catch me up in their net. I usually am not one to be coddled but I almost feel like I want that.
I'm jealous that the hubby has made so many new friends through Poker and the ones I made turned out bad. I know I'm at a disadvantage because not many women play poker but I'm not even sure where to go to even make more friends. I mean, sure I'm friendly with two of our poker friends' wives but it's not like I can ask them to go shopping or dinner. I don't know them that well.
It's only going to get worse when I start working my permanent schedule. My off days are Tuesday and Wednesday. Those also happen to be the days we play poker. Hubby already said he would figure something out because that will techniically be MY weekend and I want to be able to do things and spend time with him. But on the weekends he'll be able to do whatever until it's time to pick me up.
Part of me wants to scream somebody like me and want to be my friend, please! But it doesn't work that way.
Maybe I'm just having a pity party for myself today. I don't feel good and the pain's overtaking me.
I like the new job and made a "friend" but she's a little older and foreign, so I know we have a lot of differences and probably wouldn't be much else. But it's a start.
As for family, I know those ties will never be fixed. I made my decision and while I would do it again a million times over, I wish they saw my husband for how good he is to me and hom much he loves, cares for and adores me. I know he'll do the same for our child/children someday and that's what matters most to me. I love my family and wish them the best but that's it. I just wish the nightmares/dreams I keep having about them doing me and my husband harm would stop. I have some dreams where they tell me why they never loved me. Those are the hard ones. I usually wake up crying. This week I had two in a row in the same night. Eventually I hope they go away.
For now I deal. I push forward and put my energy into my new job, my hubby and animals and poker. Right now it's all I can handle.