Jealousy

By nature I am not a jealous person. Very seldom do I let the green eyed monster get the best of me but today it has.
I logged into Facebook like I do EVERY day usually multiple times a day and there in not one but TWO Facebook friends' statuses they announced they were expecting. That brings the current total to 7 and rising daily. I should probably expect it, we are all married and in our child bearing years but every time I read/hear it my little blue eyes turn green. I wanna scream, "Good fuckin' for you!" But I bite my tongue or at least control my fingers and send a message of congratulations. Tell them what a blessing it is and how happy I am for them. Inside a little part of my heart weeps. I want to be the one getting the congratulations. I want people to ask me what names me and my husband are thinking about. But not now.
I've ALWAYS wanted to have children. Despite what my mother and sisters' thought, I think I'd be good at it. I mean I know I can't keep a plant alive but my animals are alive and thriving and a baby needs attention. A plant needs water and occasional sun light, it's not crying because it needs/wants those things. Plus you can sometimes even revive the most brown leaves.
I know right now is not the right time for my husband and I. My body would not allow me to get pregnant. I don't even get periods monthly anymore. The last one I had was in August and it lasted almost 6 weeks. Until I have the weight loss surgery, it will never happen. It would be dangerous at this point too. For both me and the baby.
So I wait. I try to stay positive and let it be my long term goal for our future. It will happen. God's plan includes it.
Until then I will continue to put on that happy face and try not to get choked up when we walk in Babies R Us and buy another little outfit with my understanding husband holding my hand the whole time.