Angry

U ever have those days where you're mad at the world? Well, I'm mad. I feel gipped. I feel abandoned. Angry. Fooled. Tricked. I was taught your family was supposed to love you unconditionally. It was supposed to come with the territory. How stupid I was?

Love? There are strings attached. You must make this much money. You have to look this way. You must weigh this much to be accepted and not have your family be embarrassed to be around you or seen with you. You have to marry who they think is suitable. Whatever.

I wasn't embarrassed because my dad kinda resembled Buddy Holly. I didn't love my mom any less because she was bigger than some of the other kids' moms. The thought NEVER even entered my mind. I loved her because she was my Girl Scout leader and tried to throw me a surprise 14th birthday party. My sisters were a pain but I loved them. Still do. The one person I miss the most is my brother. I loved him best. He knew it. He was my baby. I would do anything for him. From the moment he came home from the hospital when I was 8 1/2. I fell head over heels. Whatever he needed or wanted he got. That's probably why he didn't talk until he was two. He pointed and I jumped. I get that he has to stay in the good graces with the rest of them and as a result, has cut me out too. But there are times the phone rings and I wish it were him on the other line. He was my buddy. We'd go to concerts and baseball games together. We did a lot together and I miss that. He and my husband did a lot together too and deep down I think he was hurt by it a little too. He saw that, even though, they did things together my other sisters' husbands started getting treated better. It sucked.

I know as time moves on, little by little, it will hurt less that they don't want to be a part of my life or accept my marriage or my husband. My brain acknowledges that. I just wish my heart would...