Crazy

Yesterday was a crazy insane day. It was completely overwhelming. Outside of ongoing drama from our poker group, when we arrived at our usual place to play to eat beforehand, my parents were there. I didn't know at first they were there. My husband saw them first. He ushered me quickly into the bar area so as not to see them sitting in the restaurant area. He didn't want me to see them and be hurt. He already knew I was on edge because of all the drama. I sat with my back to the door the entire time. My hubby could see them and they could see him. I'm glad I didn't see them. I wouldn't give them the satisfaction of seeing the pain on my face. I tried to put a brave face on for my hubby. I think deep down he knew. He knows me almost better than I know myself. I hoped for a glimmer of a second that they might suck up their pride and just come in to say hi. But I knew it wouldn't happen. Maybe someday. Maybe.
The drama in the poker group has hit an all time high. I was informed the night before last that I was a horrible friend and couldn't be trusted. That I wasn't loyal and liked to play games. I was heartbroken. I had been nothing but a good friend to her. I was supportive to her in every way possible. I tried so hard to help her and apparently in her eyes, I failed. It floored me.
I've had the same best friend for almost 20 years. Granted we've had our ups and downs but we're still as close as could be. My other best friend I've had for almost twelve years and we've never had a fight. My husband makes fun of the conversations we have because start one, go to another and go back to the first topic. I love both of my best friends' daughters like they are my own nieces. I just didn't get it.
I also have a close friend who lives very far away that understands me so well that it's amazing, even though we lost touch for many years. These three women show me what true friendship is like. Even though I don't see them as often as I'd like I know they're there no matter what and accept me as is faults and all.
I'd rather have a few close friends than many lousy ones.
I realized this all today after having what my friend refers to as an ugly cry. I was all red puffy eyed, snot running out my nose, all choked up telling my husband about this and he told me I was better than the lousy friend. I
It hurts but I'm getting over it all. I have to.