(Had a Bad Day-Part 3)My self-esteem is really taking a hit by continually getting turned down for jobs. I gotta keep pressing on. I want this surgery bad. I want a job to feel normal again. We need the money and health insurance. Plus it will get me out of the house so I don't sit here stewing all day. So let's hope Wednesday's interview goes better. I know I'll be praying it does.

(Had a Bad Day-Part 2)So hubby reminds me of the old hair dryer we kept to use on the dogs after baths. Well, he could've blown on my hair and it would've dried faster. Get to the interview with semi damp hair and ROCKED the assessment. Did the interview and the way it went seemed positive but I had a REALLY weird feeling about it. Got an email about 2 hours after I left saying they decided to go with another candidate. I cried my eyes out.

(Had a Bad Day- Part 1)Laugh every time I hear that song but today it applied. Wasn't feeling good all day yesterday and didn't really sleep last night. My husband tried to get me to reschedule my interview this a.m. because he knew I felt bad. I refused even though he told me he thought they were gonna jerk me around like they did to him. I wanted to push myself and go so I got ready to go. Drying my hair and the motor in the dryer blows.

(Some Good News)I have two job interviews next week! Very happy about that. Tuesday I finally played Poker in the free tournament my hubby and best friend do every week. They both were so helpful and patient with me. I ended up finishing in the Top 20. I was proud of myself. No word on the insurance or surgery yet, so I wait. Earlier my hubby told me how much he loved me and loved me no what. I started to cry because he really meant it.

(Just keeps getting better & better)Just got a call from the surgeon's office, they have a cancellation tomorrow morning. I can't go until I get the insurance straightened out. I continue to wait.

(Fed up.)I'm so frustrated! Keep applying to jobs and I'm getting the run around. Now I find out they have up to 60 days to reinstate our health insurance. In the meantime my surgery keeps getting further out of reach. Our reduced rate on the insurance is up on January 31st. We can't pay the normal rate! WHY COULDN'T I HAVE FIGURED THIS ALL OUT BEFORE??? I don't think I was ready yet. So, now I'm ready and I wait. Hate my life today.

**Beating my head against a wall**

So yesterday I got the call that I was approved for my surgery and the soonest apointment they have is December 9th. It's going to take forever to get here. Then today I call COBRA to ask questions about the new plans for 2010 and apparently our payment didn't make it there in time and they cancelled our insurance, even thought the woman my husband talked to said the contrary. So, I had to do a Letter of Appeal. Keeping my fingers crossed and saying prayers.

I need this. I want this surgery so bad. I CANNOT go on like this. My life is stuck. I hate cancelling on friends on the days I don't feel good. I hate not being able to climb my stairs and having to take breaths. I hate not finding chairs I'm comfortable in and then it sets off the Pudendal Neuralgia. I hate not feeling sexy. I hate having to work sex around the times I feel well. I hate the chance that I may not be able to conceive because of my weight.

I HATE MY BODY RIGHT NOW! I'm trapped! Say a prayer to the big guy for me....