(Just keeps getting better & better)Just got a call from the surgeon's office, they have a cancellation tomorrow morning. I can't go until I get the insurance straightened out. I continue to wait.

(Fed up.)I'm so frustrated! Keep applying to jobs and I'm getting the run around. Now I find out they have up to 60 days to reinstate our health insurance. In the meantime my surgery keeps getting further out of reach. Our reduced rate on the insurance is up on January 31st. We can't pay the normal rate! WHY COULDN'T I HAVE FIGURED THIS ALL OUT BEFORE??? I don't think I was ready yet. So, now I'm ready and I wait. Hate my life today.

**Beating my head against a wall**

So yesterday I got the call that I was approved for my surgery and the soonest apointment they have is December 9th. It's going to take forever to get here. Then today I call COBRA to ask questions about the new plans for 2010 and apparently our payment didn't make it there in time and they cancelled our insurance, even thought the woman my husband talked to said the contrary. So, I had to do a Letter of Appeal. Keeping my fingers crossed and saying prayers.

I need this. I want this surgery so bad. I CANNOT go on like this. My life is stuck. I hate cancelling on friends on the days I don't feel good. I hate not being able to climb my stairs and having to take breaths. I hate not finding chairs I'm comfortable in and then it sets off the Pudendal Neuralgia. I hate not feeling sexy. I hate having to work sex around the times I feel well. I hate the chance that I may not be able to conceive because of my weight.

I HATE MY BODY RIGHT NOW! I'm trapped! Say a prayer to the big guy for me....

(Insurance)Just got paperwork today that my HMO is no longer available. That means that IF I don't have weight loss surgery soon, it may be delayed if the new insurance doesn't cooperate. Really bummed and stressed about it all. Really wish I would've made the decision sooner.

(Luck)If I didn't have bad luck, I'd have no luck at all.- Jim Carrey as Charlie in "Me, Myself & Irene". These words ring so true today.

Weight of the World

I'm not sure how my best friend does it, juggling an infant, a full time job over an hour away and a husband. I can barely do it now and I'm not working and have no children.
Today was one of those days. It started out bad. Our shower head is broken but you can rig it to work, for the most part, this morning it was not cooperating. Should've known this was the precursor for the day. My group info session for a job went well. They're interested in me so I continue on my journey. I also got a call this evening about another possible job lead that I am working on. So, I've got stuff I'm working on.
I've continued to call my doctor's office to see what's going on with the referral I need to start meeting with the weight loss and surgeon and I'm getting nowhere. I'll keep trying. The job I went to the morning may not start until January and IF I can have the surgery before I start, great! Otherwise it will get put off until March-April next year. REALLY bummed if that happens.
My husband went to work and was dropping off some stuff for a friend and our only car died. Of course, we don't have the funds right now for this and EVERYTHING else. Luckily, we have someone who is going to help us out until we can get it all straightened out. Angels everywhere! I swear.
I'm tired, I can't sleep with everything going on in my head. Worried about work, bills, my health and all the other daily crap is just getting to me. I had a good cry though, mascara running down my face, the body cleansing sobs, the whole nine yards.
I'm just very thankful we have friends. I'm not quite sure I could handle all this without them.

New Kids on the Block and Country Music

Haha! In all my excitement, I forgot to mention I finally saw the New Kids the week before I got married. My wonderful other best friend hooked me up with one of her friends who had an extra ticket and my husband gave me the heads up to go. I felt like I was transported back to 1989 and I was 13. I had so much fun and was so greatful to my best friend "B" for remembering my obsession with them. LOL!
I also am super stoked that my best friend "A" now likes country music!!!! So now "A" & "B" best friends, which by the way are their first initials like my stuff! LOL!